April 7th - Wyatt 9 months!

Today is an odd mix of anniverasries, Wyatt turned 9 months and it has been 25 year since my father died. His official date of death is the 8th, but, because of the way he died and when they found him, I always commemorate the 7th instead. In retrospect it taints this favorite number of mine, but, Wyatt and my birthdays make up for it.
We went for Wyatt's 9 month appointment this morning - sorry - well visit - and it went well. He's a happy, healthy, big boy who is somewhat behind on crawling and pulling up, but, the Dr said he wouldn't worry unless he was still not doing those things in 3 months at his next appointment. I feel confident that by the time he's one he will be doing those things since he is trying to crawl now and seems rather close to suceeding.
I have been worrying a lot about Liz the last 2 days and having bad dreams that I luckily don't remember very well. SInce she and have ESP I always think it means something, b ut, I got an email from her today and she didn't mention anything about not feeling well since chemo. At first I was very worried and felt like her breast cancer was a death sentence, then I learned more about it, knew her diagnosis and came around to feeling optimistic and confident in her recovery. I am afraid I have swung back around the other way again and am worried almost constantly. I don't talk about it with anyone not only because it makes me cry and even more sad, but, also because I feel somewhat like if I said it aloud it will come true, or be a reality. That sounds crazy when I type it, but, only because I can't explain it, not because it's not true.
I struggle more with my mortality lately because of Wyatt and my Dad dying when I was young and also because of Liz. I am so afraid I won't be here to see Wyatt grow up, to help him be a great person and to teach him everything I have learned from the vast number of mistakes I have made. It's been hard to sleep.